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It had been over four years since my last relationship, and I was tired of the long stretches without sex. I was worried I didn't know how to be in a relationship any more and that I'd lost my skills in the bedroom. So when I finally activated an OkCupid account in the spring, I didn't expect so many white men to reach out to me or for them to move so quickly into revealing their fetish for black women. One guy even referred to me as an "ebony girl," as if I belonged in a tag on a porn site. I largely ignored the men asking me to dominate them, which happened as frequently as every third or fourth message, but they did make me wonder: Were these men simply casting out a large net in hopes of catching anyone, or was there something about me that served as a beacon to white male submissives?

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I grew up in a small town in the 90's, where I was the only non-white girl in my class at school and my skin colour was a curiosity rather than a threat. There was no racial tension, but then again, no sense of black community. There were quite literally no black people at all. When people asked me about my ethnicity, I would often just mumble something about tanning easily and change the subject, and I brushed off racist slurs like any other insult. And nowhere is it more of an issue than in the world of dating and relationships.

Sexual racism is the individual's sexual preference of specific races. It is an inclination towards potential sexual or romantic partners on the basis of perceived racial identity. Although discrimination among partners based on this perceived racial identity is characterized by some as a form of racism, it is presented as a matter of preference by others.