Embarrassing jerk off

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When you break down masturbation to its basic elements—privacy, a little bit of inspiration, some elbow grease, and hopefully a modest cleanup routine—there's obviously nothing to be embarrassed about. As something of a public service, VICE asked several self-identified self-pleasurers to share their most embarrassing masturbation stories. Because whether or not you consider yourself skilled in the area of dialing the rotary phone, shakin' the bacon, or whatever euphemism you prefer, you probably didn't start out as a masturbatory pro. I was driving from Calgary to Edmonton, and I'd done a bunch of partying the night before so I was super hungover. I had the window down, the music on blast, and I was doing everything and anything to keep myself awake but I was still, like, pass-out-flip-my-car tired.

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Now here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a [fapping] hand has come out and taken yours. So read on with that in mind: Every one of these stories is exactly why we, as humans, took over planet earth. It ended with security outside the stall trying to get him out and he yelled 'I'm not getting out until I finish.