For some couples tender intimacy precludes passionate, erotic sex. How to rediscover lust. Intense passion and loving intimacy can co-exist, but most couples struggle to merge erotic sex with tender love. Women don't want to feel objectified to the absence of caring, and couples get bored if their sex lives are completely devoid of heat. Here are some things you can try to merge tenderness and sexual heat. As you try the exercises, practice seeing your partner as someone you love who also deserves to feel the intensity of your desire and lust.